Desperation: Marriage

Desperation: Marriage. I was in college and tired of the “bad boys” I would date. My desire was to find a nice guy and see how that worked.  I was fixed up with my husband by a mutual friend.  He was a nice guy and we went on one date. We decided to be friends instead of dating. At least I did. He was determined to win me over. He would listen to me complain about other guys and hang out with me. This lasted for a couple of years.  I could call him late in the night and he would listen to me. He was a very good friend to me. 

His cousin fixed me up with one of his friends. I started dating and went to his house. We had sex while his mom was home. She did not seem to care. I was 20 and found out that he was 16. Yep, I was sleeping with an underage guy. I was not happy with the cousin or the guy for lying about his age. My feelings had developed for the guy. I continued to date him. Then moved him in with me for a few months. I bought him clothes on a store credit card and took complete care of him. I was very desperate!

Desperation: Marriage, Poor Choices

We broke up and I decided I needed to look at good guys again.  The “bad boys” were too dangerous for me. I had a love triangle going on with my friend and his cousin. There was lust in the mist. We kissed once when he came over to hang out at my apartment. The next week my friend came over and we ended up kissing. All 3 of us got sick at the same time from that.

I chose the friend and we started dating seriously. Eventually we moved in together.  He proposed a couple of times and I said yes the last time. He and I were very different and did not share the same goals. We were very young and immature. The engagement period was full of issues. Getting married should not have been something on our minds. We were not ready. He was a good guy but not the guy for me. We were better off as friends.

Our marriage ended in three months. We lived together but were separated.  The decision was to have an “open marriage.” There is no such thing as an “open marriage.” What we were doing was pure foolishness! Marriage requires faithfulness to one another. We had made vows before God and we needed to honor those vows. We called an “open marriage” the ability to have sex with other people and still have sex with each other. Living like roommates with benefits. Desperation: Marriage??

My marriage was a failure. I found someone before he did and he was not happy about that. I’d entered into adultery. I was having sex with someone outside of my marriage. That is a sin and I was very depressed. I was on anti-depressant medication again. I had to see the doctor monthly to get a refill. Taking the medication didn’t make me feel any better the second time around. I needed salvation. I had feelings for him but he was engaged. It was a complete mess. I gave him money to help start up a business. 

Desperation: Religion

By this point my husband and I were living across the hall from one of my sisters. She is very honest and outspoken. She knew what was going on a told me I needed salivation. I needed to repent. She didn’t believe we were ready for marriage. I didn’t listen to her. She was right on both counts. God had used her to warn me. My sister was a member of TWHMM. She invited me to service. I listened to her and went to service.

Sister Charmaine

Desperation Article Series, Article Three