Desperation: TWOHMM Years

Desperation: TWOHMM Years. I was a very desperate young woman. Having committed adultery. I was constantly looking for men. Thinking TWOHMM would help me find what I was looking for. I was wrong. My surroundings were of desperate women. There were not a lot of single men there and you could only marry a member. Desperation: TWOHMM Years.

Desperation: Oh Husband Where Art Thou?

While there I was constantly thinking about finding a husband. I was desperate to find a husband. A husband that was God’s choice for me. Marriage was a big thing there. Single women desiring marriage. Several women, in love with one man. Adultery was the basis for divorce. My husband would need to divorce me. He was fine with that so I was good to go.

I was looking around to see who my “new husband” was. I had crushes on several different men throughout my time at TWOHMM. There were not a lot of marriages happening during my time there. The membership contained few single men. There were quite a few women looking for husbands though. The men did not stay as long as the women. 

While I was there I did not have sex with anyone including myself. That was an adjustment for me. My tendency was going from man to man. I felt lonely there. One struggle was relating to most of the women my age. I was still married. Many of the women were single and or virgins. They had grown up there. My feeling was that I didn’t belong. I was desperate to belong.

What I needed I Didn’t Find

I was there for several years and showed very little growth spiritually. What I needed I didn’t find at TWOHMM. Instead I found myself getting more desperate. I had not found what I was looking for there. Believing this is where I’d find Salvation. What was I going to do now? I wanted to feel free. I never felt free. What was wrong with me? I found I was getting more and more depressed. There was no man for me there.  There were so many rules that I felt oppressed. Was this the will of God for my life? Surely there must be a better way.

There is a more perfect way. I would not feel weighed down. I would feel a love that I never felt before. The love of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who died for me. The love of my Father who gave His only begotten Son for me. I am forever grateful for this love. Love not found on this earth by man.  

Sister Charmaine