Desperation: What U See, U Can Get

Desperation: What U See, U Can Get. I began to lose weight years later. I was caught up and into my body. My body was changing with the weight loss. I called myself fabulously full-figured. My sister took pictures of me per my request. I was tracking the changes in my body. My goal was to emphasize the changes that were taking place. My clothes became tighter and shorter. I enjoyed wearing high heels. The way high heels made my legs look became my obsession. I was buying heels so often. My shoe store made me a preferred member. I would get special discounts as a top 25 buyer.

I purchased clingy low cut tops to show my breasts. Mini skirts were my preference, they barely concealed anything. I was determined to get smaller. It was a thrill to show off my body.  I showed off my heels at work. I got attention from men at my job encouraging me to buy the high heels. They were looking at my body and I loved it. I craved the attention.

Desperate for a Savior

My desperation was for the attention of men. I needed attention. I felt unloved. My body was all I had to get a man. Low self esteem ruled me. I put up a false front that I had a lot of confidence. Actions speak louder that words. Chasing after my high school boyfriend like he was my whole world. Believing that I couldn’t get anyone else. 

Now I realize that I was never going to be happy. Seeking something on earth that I would never find. I didn’t need to open my heart to a man. My heart and soul needed a Savior. I needed my Lord Jesus Christ. That is the love I needed. That is the love I was craving. My soul was crying out the whole time. I needed salvation. I would never get that from a man. Jesus Christ would never hurt me. 

Refusing to yield myself to God. My desperation worsened. That is what happens with sin. You get worse and worse, if you do not repent and turn from sin. I felt depressed all the time. Like I didn’t have anyone I could turn to. I felt completely alone. Reaching out to men to fill the void. My desperation was at a high. Desperation: What U See, U Can Get.

Sister Charmaine

Article Six in Desperation Articles Series