Desperation: Getting in Deeper, Marriage

Desperation: Getting in Deeper, Marriage. We were together about 3 years when he began to get sick. He had an injury that required surgery. I stood by him during this time. Complications after the surgery required him to be hospitalized. I stayed by his side.

He had proposed. It was not romantic at all. We went to the jewelry store and he would not let me see what he picked out. Once we were home he took out the ring and started to put it on my finger. I stopped him and said he needed to ask me to marry him before doing that. I said yes even though his proposal was a huge red flag.

When he was back home from the hospital I was nursemaid for him. He milked his complications and used them to manipulate me as well as others around him. He was not going to be able to return to his old job. “We” decided it was a good idea to get married so he wouldn’t lose health insurance. Our health insurance was by the same healthcare provider and almost identical in benefits. We married at the courthouse. We signed the license ahead of time and the judge asked us if we wanted the words read. He said no and I said yes I did, so we did. That was yet another red flag.

After marriage I felt about 20 years older than I was. We rarely went anywhere. Primarily for doctor appointments. He wanted me present at all of his appointments. He medical conditions continued to increase in number. I started to have medical issues too. Desperation: Getting in Deeper, Marriage

Desperation: Take Me Out to the Ballgame

I was the one treating for special events like going to see his favorite baseball team and going to see a basketball playoff game. He automatically assumed that I would be the one paying for everything. It was not a happy life. I was trying to pretend it was. I would rarely share with anyone what was going on.

He became more and more controlling. I felt trapped and I was giving up. I’d made this horrible decision. Stuck for the rest of my life. My health was getting worse. I was losing weight but I was on a lot of medications. I was admitted to the hospital via the emergency room twice. I’d never had this happen. I rarely went to the emergency room in the past and was in the hospital only for planned medical procedures. Desperation: Getting in Deeper, Marriage.

My Husband is Not a Nice Man

He did not like for me to go out with my friends or for them to visit. The same applied to my family. He didn’t want to attend family events. After a few years of bugging him I convinced him to come to a party for my mother. That did not go well. He did not want to be left alone with my family. I was around him every minute. My cousin needed me to take him to a store to get a last minute gift for my mom and my husband was very upset about it. He also didn’t like it that another cousin had me make his plate for him. I was to wait on my husband only in his eyes. I had a feeling my family was not going to like him and I was right. My husband is not a nice man.

I put up with a lot looking for acceptance. I didn’t want to be alone. By that point I thought he was the best I could get. My feelings of self worth were getting lower and lower. I beat myself up about what I had allowed to happen. He didn’t force me to marry him. I made a series of poor choices and was suffering as a result. I had not listened to warnings and was having to deal with the consequences of my disobedience. Had I made better choices. I just don’t believe I would have gone through as much as I did. Desperation: Getting in Deeper, Marriage.

Destination: Hell

Hell was my destination. Did Jesus want me after all I had done? I didn’t understand that He loved me and wanted me to follow Him. He wanted to heal me, use me for the ministry. To comfort me and so many other things. I was feeling depressed and my soul was in prison.

Sister Charmaine

Desperation Article Series